|The lifestyle magazine for people who quite frankly could do without that sort of thing thank you very much.||
Send me your problems (if you really must) and I shall endeavor to remedy your situation. Honest. I won't laugh. Promise.
Email : Dear Agony Cousin Twice Removed
in 9 letters(4 vowels,5 constants)
ACTR I'm a very model of a modern politician(and a really cool hairstyle)
but whit can I do with colleagues like Doris K?
PS I have no thoughts about yer name.
Oh that's bloody typical isn't it? You modern career wimmen want your cake and your sleep. I advise you to get a proper job and try not to look manic when you're out in public. It frightens the children you know.- ACTR
Try not to worry and just give us all free beer and petrol you tight git.- ACTR
Obviously you are a victim of this insidious modern blame culture. I blame the parents. - ACTR
Now listen, I'm getting sick of all this moaning about something which is obviously of great concern for worried parents, teachers and children throughout the nation - namely, the name of my problem page. I can't help being who I am - you got a problem with that? - ACTR
Thanks for the vote of support Angus. Just you go for it pal.- ACTR
Please help me - I am at my wits end. My best friend's mother has run off with this week's rent and I've no money for fags. What will I do?
Consider this an ideal opportunity to give up the demon weed and try doing something to help the community instead. Go and cut the old biddie's hedge next door or something. That should make you feel better and what's more will turn you into a caring citizen. - ACTR
My cat just died and I am very distraught at the surplus amount of cat food I have in my pantry. Do you think I could flog it off to someone who has a healthy cat, or even a dog as I hear they'll eat anything. Please help me. There's over twenty tins.
Don't you know there are people starving in this world? For god's sake get a grip and relinquish your profiteering tendencies. Send your unwanted tins to me and I will ensure they reach a good home. Interesting point about dogs by the way. Down Rover.
Is it quite common to have an extra testicle? I'm a little concerned as no-one else I know has this problem. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't hanging off the end of my nose.
You should thank your lucky stars you have any balls at all. Some of us have to get through life without them you know. God, I don't know, some of you people are so selfish.
I'm a bit fed up and have decided to take my own life. Can you advise me as to the most fashionable form of suicide these days?
I'm glad to see you've reached a positive life decision, Anthea. I believe self garroting by chicken wire is very "in" at the moment.
I have been arrested for stabbing the old biddy next door with a pair of shears and am now languishing in a cold, damp police cell with a crazed individual who appears to have a peculiar growth on his nose and some damn TV celeb running around with chicken wire round her neck. Both are non-smokers. Can you help me?
Come on, cheer up! Have a nice cup of tea. That will make things all better and scare away the nasty man and lady. Honestly, what a bunch of whingers. Pass me my blunderbuss Marjory, I'm going huntin'.
|A Doctor Writes|