CAMP X-RAY (published
2 November 2002)
More medical marvels were unveiled yesterday as scientists discovered a hitherto unnoticed extra bit of flaccid bone in camp people's wrists.
POLIS PALAVER (published 2 November 2002)
Wild orgies and general snogging shenanigans are rife in our polis force according to a report out today. It says: "Wild orgies and general snogging shenanigans are rife in our polis force."
Et voila, la evidence:
(published 9 November 2002)
Govan chip shop proprieter, Don Corblimey, has denied deep frying horses' heads in an effort to delay the inevitable forthcoming shortage of cod.
(published 9 November 2002)
I don't know
Recently unearthed footage has revealed the hitherto unseen extraordinary powers of one of the top 100 Britons - Alistair Crowley. Crumbs.
DEAD (published 16 November 2002)
Disgraced TV presenter Hangus Deayton declared yesterday he had rid himself of his dirty demons.
When asked what in the name of all that is gorgeous and wobbly he was on about, Mr Deayton replied:
"My wings are like a shield of steel!"
And why not?
THE Q FILES (published
16 November 2002)
Startling evidence of the monarch's secret past has been unearthed this week following her revelation that "there are powers at work in this country of which we have no knowledge."*
As our pictures show, the head of the nation has in fact been leading a secret life spreading indoctrination and blind obedience amongst her subjects through the auspices of the mysterious product known as The Queen's Milky Wee.
A spokesperson for MI5.75, Fortitude Eyesparkle, said yesterday:
"Aye, she's a canny bugger that one and no mistake."
When asked to elucidate, Mr Eyesparkle mysteriously flustered and announced he had some otters to wash before mysteriously rushing off in a mysterious fashion.
A report has been sent to the Ejaculator Fiscal.
*© The Daily Blether
CAT (published 23 November 2002)
Latest advances in the scientific discipline known as Mucking About With Animals has produced this latest hybrid - a cat too lazy to jump but nevertheless inherently curious:
(published 23 November 2002)
He's dead clever you know
Professor Well'ard Winston paid a flying visit to Scotland this week to impart more of his insightful knowledge which has been delighting TV viewers across most of some bits of Britain and that.
(published 30 November 2002)
The shouty bloke from popular beat combo Prodigy was reported to be 'in his element' during the recent firefighters' strike.
Our picture shows him happily strolling to work last Thursday as he regaled passers-by with advice such as 'Smoke more fags' and 'Make more chips.'
FAD SPREADS (published 30 November 2002)
Just in time for Christmas, the new Posh and Becks dolls have been adapted to incorporate the new fad of babby dangling.