Back Home
 
 
SPECIAL REPORT 12.02am

ALLOTMENT GAROTTEMENT
Killer poet still on loose


The bizarre killing spree of the serial poetry killer, who chooses the method or place of slaughter by rhyming, continues.

Yesterday, a decapitated body was discovered in a council garden patch presumably to generate the above headline.

The gruesome murderer's preoccupation with verse first came to light when his first victim's body was found at the bottom of the Thames weighed down by several volumes of a Nineteenth century poet's work. This prompted the headline, Browning Drowning.

There followed the crunching Girder Murder, evil dentistry with Filling Killing, the ironic Hugging Mugging, nauseating Copper Chopper and Inland Revenue revenge slaying, Taxing Axing.

The notorious Woking Choking and Tooting shooting followed by looting was then surpassed by the beheading with bedding at a Wedding in Reading.

The sheer horror of the thigh slapping knee-capping and angling strangling was then superceded by the failed attempt to move into showbiz rhyming death by hanging Bernard Manning.

So far, the police are stumped by the rhymster's antics but a spokesperson said:

'We're not about to sum up this investiagation with a cheap gag, you slag.'

back to top

 
 
 
 
 
GO BACK TO HOMEPAGE
 
 
ALSO IN THIS SECTION
 

DAILY RECKLESS WINS AWARD

JOHNNY SAYS

FOREIGN NEWS

COMPETITIONS

CROSS WORD

ARCHIVES

DIRECTORY

CARTOON

 

Read what The Scotsman's own Rab Mcneil has to say - cos he's brilliant by the way.

 

  • or click here for more stories