NEWS published
12.02am
OLD
FIRM DENOUNCED
The Young Flaccid Hit Back
Recent
allegations of favouritism have been hurled at Scotland's
elderly following recent governmental policies endowing
them with freak hair, free Wurther's Originals and
centrally heated baffies.
Now
their boast of being old and firm is rankling the
young and flaccid. A spokesperson for the Youth of
Today, Dr Draylon Curtains, said:
'We
have been investigating, researching and generally
fiddling about in the murky recesses of the wrinkly
underworld and have discovered some startling facts.
Firstly, these people are taking up way too many of
our earth years. Secondly, they have indeed consumed
all the meat filled pastry cases and, thirdly, they
never get as much homework as me.'
It
is believed that Dr Draylon is telling his mum and
that severe retribution of a tongue wagging nature
may ensue.
Many
middle-aged persons, meanwhile, have expressed concern
and bewilderment at the whole situation and don't
know which way to turn. Signposts have been strategically
placed outside B&Q stores throughout the country in
order to help them.
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