JACKO'S JOLLY JAPES (published 7 December 2002)
E's only 'avin a larf innit?

Michael Jackson's buddies (the notorious Icke solid crew) leapt to his defence this week claiming he was testing the new GM cat's balancing techniques (see previous story)with the old babby dangling routine.

"It was all under control," said Uri Geller, "and I was prepared to bend some items of cutlery should anything untoward have occured."

The other member of the Icke conglomorate, David Blaine, also claimed Jacko's actions were based on sound scientific principles and served as a trial run for his own proposed falling from a great height caper next year.

MARSUPIAL MASTERMIND (published 7 December 2002)

They clever plus they bounce

Further research into dead smart creatures has revealed that wallabies are more intelligent than kangaroos.

WELL READ LION (published 14 December 2002)
Evolution continues apace

Following a flood of applications from wild beasts to appear on University Challenge, latest research has revealed that most animals are indeed much more intelligent than human beings as our picture reveals:

SCROOGE LIGHTS (published 14 December 2002)
Sod it

This year's Christmas lights in Edinburgh were switched on by Ebenezer Scrooge.

VOTER VAVOOM (published 21 December 2002)
Taking the piss too far

Practical joker Jeremy Japes met a tragic end yesterday when he decided to pretend that a voting booth was a public toilet.

Nobody laughed. However, the local undertaker, Graham Grimshaw, applauded the fact that Jeremy has inadvertently slashed the cost of his cremation ceremony.

NECKS IN A TWIST (published 21 December 2002)

Grief Giraffes

Unique footage of giraffes getting their necks in a twist has been captured by Sir Davina Attenbutton in his latest series, Mammals are Made of Biscuits.

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