Well I hope you're all keeping well. Well not all of you obviously or else I'd be out of a job, yuk yuk. You see how funny I can be? I think it puts my patients at ease as they enter my surgery because many of them are gibbering, quivering wrecks.

No, but seriously though, what a carry on all this talk of disease from mad bovines and the like. I've often wondered whoever thought of milking cows in the first place and what on earth were they originally trying to do?

You know, some of my patients often ask me, Are you sure you're qualified? Qualified? Qualified! Why I'm more than that, I'm certified I am. And I've got the certificate and teeth marks to prove it. What a damned nerve.

Anyway, I've got an awful cough and my back is killing me. It's all these ill people who come to see me - it's doing me no good at all. Sometimes I wonder - No I don't - I wander, that's what I do - wander aimlessly all over the place until someone notices and puts me back in my cage.

Anyway, until next time, just take two aspirins and everything will be OK. Bye

Quick nurse, the screens.