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NEWS published 12.02am

AW, WHO BLOODY CARES?
Alcohol begins to take effect


Anyhoo, the upshot is I have decided to devote the rest of my life to avoiding domesticity.

I shall dedicate myself to writing, the pursuit of truth and the exposure of life's absurdities.

You know, get pissed, destroy - that sort of thing.

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ALSO IN THIS SECTION
 


ATTEMPT TO BAN MISERABLE PEOPLE

2002 PUT ON HOLD


BAD MAN HITS LOLLIPOP LADY

THE END IS NIGH

BIG SCARY CRIME FIGURES

WORKERS REVOLUTION IN THE OFFING

MUMBELESE DECLARED OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF TEENAGERS

CUTE ANIMAL STORY

EAT FOOD

PEOPLE POOR SHOCK

FOOTBALLER SPITS

THE NIGHTS ARE FAIR DRAWIN' IN

DRUG BARONS' NOBILITY QUESTIONED

MISSING LINK FOUND

IT'S ALL GOD'S FAULT

PIGEONS ON DOPE

TOLERANCE ABOLISHED

MURDER INCIDENTS INCREASING

TABLOID HEADLINES PREY ON GULLIBLE

NOW THAT WE'VE FOUND LOVE

PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES

POKEMON DRIVE BY SHOOTING

SEX

DRUGS

VIOLENCE

HEADLINES WANTED

SATIRICAL NEWS STORIES BEGIN TO LOSE BITE

NOBODY'S READING THIS STUFF ANYWAY

I HATE YOU ALL

IT'S ALL SO BLEEDIN' POINTLESS

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND

DON'T CRY FOR ME AL PACINO

GIRAFFES KICK ASS

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ